I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
