I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
