i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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