It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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