I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
