No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I am one with the molecules
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
