Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
