I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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