i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
