It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
