I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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