Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
