i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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