i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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