Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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