I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
