there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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