I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
