Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
