I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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