dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
