Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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