I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
