I showed him my bush... on skype.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
