So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
