It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
