We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
