Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
