We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
