All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Your cock deserves a montage
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
