I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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