I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
