i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
