my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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