Welp...herpes.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
