shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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