Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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