Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
