Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Boobs speak an international language.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
