I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
