i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
