good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
