So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
smell my finger.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
