how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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