Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
meet me or not, i'm out of control
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
