so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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