We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
