just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
my liver is dry heaving
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
