I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
birth control should be required to get into college
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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