oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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